A Matter of Time (poem)

I wish I would have known when you didn’t feel a part of us anymore.

Maybe it was the moment you left. I hope it was.

I hate the thought of you next to me without wanting to be.

It was never that way for me,

well not until we touched after us

and you told me it must just be chemistry because you weren’t in love with me.

 

And suddenly the person I trusted most

became a person who was a ghost

looked right through me to the other side

without trying to capture my eye

 

I had never conceived he would leave me

because it wasn’t easy.

 

It was electric. It was rare. But I guess he didn’t care.

He was done. On to another one.

 

He believed in the law of diminishing returns

maybe it always was

just a matter of time.

 

 

It isn’t true. He cares a lot. I do too.

In everything (poem)

Maybe missing

but I know what love feels like now.

It is infinitely tender, threading, interlocking, release

It is wiser than we are

It already knows

without question-

 

true to everything.

 

It is only interrupted;

It can never be contained.

it seeps out of me when I am not looking

and into the heart of everything

lf191107

De serve (thought)

It is sometimes not best for anyone for one to be given more of a chance than they deserve.

Deft but blind (poem)

Instincts, entered, intertwined.

But through time exacting actions brought dissolution, disillusion, divine defied, defiled, declined.

Deft but blind. 191023 lf

Vanity fueled sanity is never prime. 191023 lf

Incredibly Unincredible (poem/ thought)

I’ve made so many mistakes

it’s incredible as many amazing things have happened as they have.

To have been so blessed

as to feel bliss w/ someone

even for a while feels such a gift.

Maybe I was bound to mess it up

with my worry, my intensity, my perfectionism

which make most feel separate from me.

But now and then, and once for a long while,

the right one pulled me in close, tingled my skin

& the heart of my depth and my truth;

brushed up against me,

a comfort beyond words.

But I couldn’t sustain,

even though I wished to,

maybe because I wished to.

I pushed it, and questioned it;

by trying to form it,

killed it

with unnecessary need and

unincredible words.

190918 lf

At the heart of me, i lack apathy. E.O.M. 190906lf

Lit (poem)

We are not born once

but in a million ways in a million moments

made & chosen, lost & broken

in a brilliant spectrum of

truth & denial,

of light & trial

Sudden or slow

the awakening

shapes & makes us

ever different than the moment before.

 

Death is different

It never feels as complete as birth

The memory holds

It cradles the past in soft palms & fingertips

or in tight clutches

But never again wholly unknown

as the birth of a new connection

 

Neuron to neuron, pupil to pupil

once lit never truly extinguished.

 

190815 Aug. 2019 lgf

Petty (poem)

Time to return

to fully enhabiting myself.

To feel intensely had drifted

We had lost our charm

through petty words & actions

Sometimes we forgot

the daily wonderful,

the gift love is,

silent acceptance.

But the core remains

solid & aware

as it was in the beginning,

is now

and ever shall be

 

 

Memory wonders (poem)

Keeper of the backbeat

Sometimes it feels there are only the surroundings that form

nothing sticks yet nothing passes, nothing to touch which is known to be my own

no sincere smiles meant to enliven

bones are carved, fat is stacked and people lean on what is there to support them

the blood runs circuitous and forgetful of it’s force and import

the brain strolls and scrambles, scratches at murmurs of past facts and future functions

there is little use to what’s been done and more often than not none of the millions of actions enacted serve more than a revolving process

Retreat in expression, for there are no receivers in sight

Memory wonders if it’s ever seen that which it wishes were whole the world over